THE THEORY OF "MOVING ON"/"GETTING OVER"

I sat there with the feelings, feelings that will never be considered and wont bother me after few months when I will be on my own way to some new place ,lost in between new faces,,
The akka picked up my empty can and the half eaten papdi chat plate… sh*t , I could have lend her a smile..
Third page ”cat application”, the lame brain tried to solve . one hundred and fifty minutes and ninety questions to answer. Well to bell the cat was never easy for the super genius ..so lets not talk about my reach for luck.. but overall it was a good distraction from the feelings..huh!! Feelings !!! again tough luck!!!
The helplessly vibrating cell phone displayed “his” name. some stuff gushed up into my heart, I knew it was my overweening pride that has swollen my nose,which made me so irate, not to think of answering the call… but somewhere rather the heart ache continued seeing the call , not being answered…
There he took the opposite table like a secret admirer who follows you everywhere without your prior knowledge.. he smiled . I smiled back
Sh*t!! my!! My!! Poor me!! How could I even forget those insomnia filled nights when I decided neither to smile first nor to smile back…
Waste of feeling on someone.. the one who weakens you, makes you bent down on your knees and fall right down on your face,further that someone forgets to lend a hand to help.. if this “hurt” feeling is called LOVE, then it is destroying me.. but still thanks to him ,it gave me the power to heal the aching heart..
Everyone seemed so friendly except for me and when I raised my head to see him, I found him falling in the same category of exception. Quite!! Very quite!! His eyes fixed to one of the corner of the table as if lost in some deeprooted thoughts,some thing agitating him make his eye brows curve several times.
But who told me to take the blame, where was the overweening pride..sorry!! very sorry!! Please call me once again , I shall speak…dying to speak.
Shall I dial his number, when again I raised my head ..the chair was empty.. huh!!! These esoteric thoughts nearly killed me….
Suddenly I realized that its high time , I didn’t take my medication which was always suppose to flow through my veins.. this drug is necessary for me when the under expressive condition irresolute me..
For that you must have a best friend!!! So I dialed up “THE” number ..
“Pragyan !! ah huh huh.. uwaa!! I hate this life!!!”
“ aww!! Babes !! again depression !! leave it re!!! he is a born jerk… duh!! ..you very well know is is just flirting ..rather a two timing..kill the short feeling honey!! You rock being single..
Two and half hour… the drugs was again all through me…..the life quote shots of my best friend brought my nerves and dimply smile back … now no feelings seeing his name in the call list..
Rather I was overwhelmed seeing my pride or whatever rejoicing over some stupid feelings..ah!!! finally nothing can weaken me NOT EVEN A JUGGERNAUT…

OBJECTION OVER-RULED

YOUR HONOUR!!!
Was I ever querulous ,when I heard those scathing remarks or was I ever happy getting those undeserved compliments. i was yet just so super normal… but still
I’M THE CONVICT
I never promised them because I knew to keep the promise , is a life time process.
The fact that kept me bucolic and rustic,never gave them a chance to like me…. Huh!!
I never brought a tear down, it made my parents sad..
I never spoke to them, as afraid of hurting them ..
There was nothing wrong not even a bloomer. But still I’m accused.

I’M THE CONVICT
I just lend them my smile,where thoughts from between the two lungs, the tiny heart quivered and said; - “expectations hurt!!”. The eyes pushed back the tears.. but its not in our control, the heart and eyes are best friends from aeon…
They paid back some smile, and some went unnoticed. I passed through the aisle ,ppl seating either side of me. They clapped when I fell, but when I stood up with my own support, they were busy munching their popcorns. Just a option left, to leave the show , but somewhere from inside somebody mocked at me : - “coward”… it was the alter ego in me always had its ironic and piercing words to make me alive ,not for anyone else but myself.
But I was quite sure I couldn’t be “selfish” .. I still lost appetite to food when I saw them starving..

I’M THE CONVICT…
The one – anomic who is searching for a identity.the one who is content with originality, the one who still believes on the one who stabbed me and has thousand hopes for the wounds to recover. But when they say that line from the philosophical doctrine “ all the things are predetermined and therefore not alterable.
So who am I to drivel??!!
I’M THE CONVICT
Why is the noise from the crowd now.. why they want the judge to exculpate me…,
The sense of déjà vu on the decision of the de jure made me confirm that the condign was sure!!!
ORDER!! ORDER!!
“ YOU MUST LEAVE GROUND”- GOD- THE DE JURE OF ALL…